Every kind of abuse VAWA covers, one by one

1. Physical abuse

What it can look like. Hitting, shoving, grabbing, throwing things at you, blocking a doorway, holding you down so you cannot leave, or raising a hand to make you flinch. It includes a threat to do any of these.

The law. This is the "battery" half of the standard. The regulation covers any act or threatened act of violence, including forceful detention, that results or threatens to result in physical or mental injury (8 C.F.R. 204.2(c)(1)(vi)). A threat counts even if it was never carried out. The Policy Manual lists violence or threats and forced detention among its examples (3 USCIS-PM D.2(E)(1)).

2. Sexual abuse and coercion

What it can look like. Sex you did not agree to. Pressure, threats or punishment until you give in. Sex demanded as the price of keeping your papers, your money or your peace at home. Being pushed into sexual acts with others, or exploited for money.

The law. The regulation names "psychological or sexual abuse or exploitation" (8 C.F.R. 204.2(c)(1)(vi)), and the Policy Manual lists sexual abuse or exploitation as an example of battery or extreme cruelty (3 USCIS-PM D.2(E)(1)). If you were forced into conduct that could itself cause immigration trouble, such as prostitution, the Policy Manual says you may still have good moral character if you were not convicted of the offense (3 USCIS-PM D.2(G)(3)). See good moral character.

3. Psychological and emotional abuse

What it can look like. Being told you are worthless, stupid or crazy until you start to believe it. Being blamed for the abuse. Having your memory questioned until you doubt it. Silent punishment that lasts days. Threats to hurt themselves if you leave.

The law. Psychological abuse is named in the regulation (8 C.F.R. 204.2(c)(1)(vi)). Courts have read extreme cruelty to reach non-physical, coercive control judged across the whole relationship: the Ninth Circuit said so in Hernandez v. Ashcroft, 345 F.3d 824 (9th Cir. 2003), a published decision, not our client. That case arose under the older VAWA suspension of deportation, but it applied the same regulation. Under current guidance, the emotional abuse must reflect an intent to gain or maintain power and control (3 USCIS-PM D.2(E)(1)). Your declaration should show that link: what the abuser said, what it made you do or stop doing, and how long it went on.

4. Verbal threats and degradation

What it can look like. Threats to hurt you, your family or a pet. Threats to throw you out with nothing. Screaming, name-calling and humiliation in front of others or in front of the children.

The law. A threatened act of violence is covered by the regulation (8 C.F.R. 204.2(c)(1)(vi)), and the Policy Manual lists threats as an example (3 USCIS-PM D.2(E)(1)). Degradation is harder. The Policy Manual says hurtful conduct alone, or adverse interactions of limited severity, is not enough for extreme cruelty (3 USCIS-PM D.2(E)(1)). So do not describe insults alone. Describe what came with them: the threats, the control, the fear, and the way the words were used to keep you in line.

9. Threats about or through the children

What it can look like. "You will never see the children again." Threats to take them abroad, to call child services, or to have you deported so the children stay with the abuser. Abusing the children, or making you watch while they are frightened.

The law. Using the children to keep you from leaving is control (3 USCIS-PM D.2(E)(1)). If the abuser battered or was extremely cruel to your child, you may self-petition on that basis, even if the abuse was not aimed at you (INA 204(a)(1)(A)(iii)(I)(bb), (B)(ii)(I)(bb); 3 USCIS-PM D.2(B)(2)). Your children may be included on your petition, whether or not they were abused (INA 204(a)(1)(A)(iii), (B)(ii); 8 C.F.R. 204.2(c)(4)). The confidentiality law does not bind state family courts (our reading of 8 U.S.C. 1367), so custody questions go to a family lawyer. See children on your petition and divorce, custody and VAWA.

10. Abuse by the abuser's family

What it can look like. A mother-in-law who locks you in, a brother who threatens you, relatives who take your papers or your pay, while your spouse watches, approves or joins in.

The law. Abuse by a third party counts only if the citizen or permanent resident willfully condoned or participated in it (3 USCIS-PM D.2(E)(1)). So the evidence has to reach your spouse: what they knew, what they said, and what they did or refused to do. Federal law also bars an adverse admissibility or deportability determination based solely on information from a household family member who abused you with the abuser's consent or acquiescence, subject to the same conviction exception (8 U.S.C. 1367(a)(1)).

11. A pattern that does not look violent in each moment

What it can look like. No single day looks like abuse. A rule about who you can call. A sigh when you go out. Money that disappears. Apologies and gifts, then the same thing again. Over months or years, your world gets smaller.

The law. The regulation reaches acts that may not initially appear violent but are part of an overall pattern of violence (8 C.F.R. 204.2(c)(1)(vi)), and the Policy Manual lists a pattern of violence as an example (3 USCIS-PM D.2(E)(1)). In Hernandez v. Ashcroft, 345 F.3d 824 (9th Cir. 2003), not our client, the court treated the apology and contrition phase as part of the cycle of abuse. Abuse outside the qualifying relationship cannot be the basis of the petition, but it may help show the pattern (3 USCIS-PM D.2(E)(2)). See abuse without violence.

When the abuser is your adult child, or your parent

A parent abused by a U.S. citizen son or daughter who is at least 21 may self-petition (INA 204(a)(1)(A)(vii)), and so may an unmarried child under 21 abused by a citizen or permanent resident parent (INA 204(a)(1)(A)(iv), (B)(iii)). See abused parent and abused child.